Today I was offered two jobs back in the corporate Media world.
Interestingly, it was just yesterday that I was starting to feel some real anxiety about my financial future, given the hard yards I have been putting into my newfound entrepreneurial endeavours over the last few months.
To settle this fear around how exactly I’m going to build my dream businesses and sustain my livelihood, I said a few prayers, cried a few tears and slept on it with hope of a better tomorrow.
And tomorrow responded with not one, but two opportunities to get back into the workforce to re-earn the stable income that I had been accustomed to most of my adult life.
Somehow and perhaps stupidly, I’m leaning towards not pursuing either of the opportunities. Even though they are easy gateways to feeling ‘comfortable’ again, they seem too easy an option, too easy a solution to my anxiety.
Truth is I feel I have already trekked far enough into a new land that there is no turning back to where I once was and more significantly, no desire on my part to return there. Yet there’s the more responsible side of me accusing me of recklessness in ignoring the signs, not heeding the advice of the universe which is seemingly calling me back to a reality where I can be soothed of my financial worries.
My heart knows that the right thing for me is to stay on this path, to not give into potential misery dressed in comfort’s clothing, where my pockets would be filled, but my soul empty as it was last year – drained by avarice, manipulation, of people and an environment that gradually robbed me of happiness and goodwill.
My head on the other hand is holding me accountable, of my own security and of those whom depend on me. Perhaps these workplaces will be better than I’ve recently experienced. Perhaps these roles will be more bearable. Perhaps earning a stable income will in fact benefit my business.
I feel very much at a crossroads, even though I know what I want and don’t want to do. It is time – the most precious resource – that I am afraid of losing. If I’m finding it difficult now to build my enterprise, how much less will I be able to commit to it if I suddenly lose 30-40 hours each week to a full-time job?
I realise now the importance of saving and if I had the chance to do my 7 or so years of regular employment over again, I would definitely sacrifice a few luxuries to put more money aside.
Alas, life doesn’t always go according to plan and we all have our crosses to bear. The challenge is to keep moving, to keep rising after each fall, to heal after each scourge.
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor,” and in truth, this is my first real voyage.
Love this post! Keep going! I love Seth Godin – he calls this fear “The Lizard Brain”. Might want to check him out! ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqozprFZ_38 )